“I still love.."

This particular line from Nicki Minaj's new song "Pills n Potions" has been playing in my mind recently for no apparent reason. (Lss syndrome, er?) For the past years of getting in and out of a relationship,each experience and heartbreak have taught me things about love.  

Love and pain are bffs. They are inseparable under many circumstances. Both demand to be felt. At some point, one will overrule the other and vice versa. Thus, a person who declares himself “inlove” is a person who takes risks to getting hurt.

Love, in a deeper sense, has no absolute definition. When I was still in grade school, I remember I was always asking my older sister what “love” is. Those were the days when “slumbooks” were on a high consumption. But because I was so young back then, I could barely write anything except for.. “Love is an infatuation”. Over time and years of experience, love becomes more mysterious to me in some ways. Undefinable. Immeasurable. 

Out in the City

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"One step at a time." This got me going as I survived yesterday's challenge. At 12:30 pm I left the house and commuted to Cebu Business Park for a final interview. Along the way I was memorizing a couple of Cebuano lines that I learned from my uncle and from "googling" (google translate) like, "Gikan Colon, manaog sa Ayala Terminal." (from Colon going to Ayala Terminal) and "Pila ang plete paingon sa.." (how much is the fare going to..?). In my dismay, I wasn't able to say any of it because first, I got distracted by how the boy beside me was pulling himself too close to me that I could smell his stench. Second, I couldn't help but to eavesdrop to the couple seated in front of me. I know it is unethical, but I just couldn't help my astonishment as the girl was speaking in English and the boy was responding in Cebuano. Third and lastly, it was raining hard so I thought of just asking the boy who was collecting the fare in my own words he can possibly comprehend to.

The downpour resulted to flooded streets, one of which I was about to walk down going to the place of my interview. After several attempts of rerouting, with no choice left, I bravely faced the flood. I had my feet submerged in the water and unfortunately, got myself into another trouble. Before my shoe could break off, I hurriedly went to the nearest shoe store to buy a new one. Luckily, Ayala Mall west entrance is just two blocks away. In no time, I was dancing in delight in my new pair of doll shoes. (as they say, the quickest way to change the mood of a woman is to go shopping) I thanked the salesman, who handed me a cloth to dry my feet, paid for the shoes then left the store.

I was able to reach the building 5 minutes before my schedule. The guard directed me to the company's cafeteria where others were waiting. There were thirty of us I think. Minutes after, the HR came in and instructed us to write an email at the back of our resume in response to a customer's complaint for the first part of our final interview. ( I applied for the position of an email and chat support agent for Wipro btw.) We were given 15 minutes to finish it. After the HR got all the papers he asked us to wait for our name to be called.

As I was gathering my things together, I looked down and saw this white thingy at the back of one of my newly bought shoes.

And just as what I suspected, it was the special tag attached to an item so that an alarm goes on whenever someone tries to walk out with them. (Surprisingly, the alarm didn't go on when I left the shoe store with this device still attached. I guess, because I paid for it? I seriously don't know how this one works,er.) So imagine the embarrassment  I got myself into!! I have been walking around with it all along. People might have been talking about me suspiciously as I passed by. ( Well, I don't know if it is a good thing or not that I won't be able to understand them in the first place)

So the next minute, I went out the cafeteria, asked the guard if he has a pair of scissors and rushed to the CR. Okay, forgive me for thinking I could remove it by cutting it off. I know it was so stupid of me to think it could actually work. Teehee!

Instead of stressing myself on how to fold the shoe and hide the device under my foot, I asked the girl next to me to tell the HR that I went out for a while for an emergency by the time he calls my name. I trotted back to the shoe store and had it removed. The manager and the cashier were all apologetic, however I told them it was partly my fault because it was me who asked Ivan ( the attending salesman) if I could wear it already since my broken shoes were dripping wet and that I was so in a hurry.

I went back to Wipro building on time that my name had not been called yet. In fact, it took an hour before I could face my interviewer. The journey to it had been a bit bumpy, I had a lot of mishaps but I was glad to had survived the day and got home around ten in the evening.

"Out in the Queen City of the South I flew,
with my skills and knowledge as my wings,
and the Almighty God to guide me through."

Lost and Found

Recently, I resigned from my 7-year old job and migrated here in Cebu in pursuit of my mom's last wish and for self-validation. My first week alone was much of a struggle. (My aunt accompanied me here but she had to leave days after my cousin and I settle in a place near school)  I could barely comprehend with people because of language barrier, thus, looking and going to places became more complex for me. The only mean of transportation I could grab was a taxi cab. The only place I could go to was the nearest canteen where my aunt and I used to eat when she was still here. Needless to say, the only food I could order was the chicken intestine (isaw), chicken barbecue and a cup of rice. *poor belly*

Then came a "eureka" moment one morning. "What the hell am I doing here? Have I forgotten what my reasons are?" I could have acted at my age before I landed in  the queen city of the south. Who still gets accompanied at thirty nowadays? Lols. ONLY ME. :)

The next day, I started walking around. I was able to go to the nearest supermarket and bought myself decent snacks. Yesterday, I discovered that Sto. Rosario Parish was just few meters away from my place. And just this morning, I was able to do some of my errands, visit the the famous "Basilica de Sto. Nino" and most of all... get myself a possible temporary source of income (if I'll get lucky tomorrow). Indeed, changes and beginnings should always start within oneself. I would admit, I got lost but I just found myself back in the journey. :)

“Genuine beginnings begin within us, even when they are brought to

our attention by external opportunities.” ~William Throsby Bridges